I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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