my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
