just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
