hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
