sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
