when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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