Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
