Ambien. No doubt about it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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