If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize