Can i not drive my cunt home
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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