whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I need help removing her.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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