I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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