Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
