Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
