you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
