My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
