I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
