I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you had me at cake vodka
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
