Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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