SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
