Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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