I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
tell me about the eggs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
