So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
