Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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