If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
