five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
