i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
