i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
