Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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