ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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