I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
