I can text with my tongue
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
