I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
