Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
