Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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