I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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