I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
