Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
