for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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