i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
