i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
