She is in my trunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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