I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
