I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
