my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
