Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
