My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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