i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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