the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
