she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
