god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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