Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
