wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
