are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
